The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.



*



On a Sears hairdryer:

Do not use while sleeping.



(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)



*



On a bag of Fritos:

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.



(the shoplifter special?)



*



On a bar of Dial soap:

'Directions: Use like regular soap.'



(and that would be???....)



*

On some Swanson frozen dinners:

'Serving suggestion: Defrost.'



(but, it's just a suggestion.)



*

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):

'Do not turn upside down.'



(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)



*



On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

'Product will be hot after heating.'



(...and you thought????...)



*

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

'Do not iron clothes on body.'



(but wouldn't this save me time?)



*

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:

'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication'



(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)



*

On Nytol Sleep Aid:

'Warning: May cause drowsiness.'



(...I'm taking this because???....)



*

On most brands of Christmas lights:

'For indoor or outdoor use only.'



(as opposed to what?)



*



On a Japanese food processor:

'Not to be used for the other use.'



(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)



*

On Sainsbury's peanuts:

'Warning: contains nuts.'



(talk about a news flash)



*



On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

'Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.'



(Step 3: give empty packet to stewardess?)



*



On a child's Superman costume:

'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.'



(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)



*



On a Swedish chainsaw:

'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.'



(Oh my Gosh... was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

COMMENTS

-

---

VeritaDiAmore
18:36 Apr 12 2008

lmao...I love it. Thanks for posting this Jens.

---

Sinora
20:05 Apr 12 2008

Nice one lol

---

Maledicta
13:50 Apr 13 2008

On a paediatric bottle of Kaolin:



'Not to be taken by adults' - fine in itself, but a few lines down:



'Do not take while pregnant'...



Kids these days huh?

---

Andaeryk
17:37 Apr 26 2008

ROFL!! I have a friend that just transferred to Japan.. I'll see if he can find out the "other use"!! LOL

---

POST COMMENT

Should a child witness a childbirth?



Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.



Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Mommy pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.



The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.



Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place...... smack his bum again!'

COMMENTS

-

---

Andaeryk
17:38 Apr 26 2008

Hahaha!!

---

POST COMMENT